Spam Poetry... Spametry?

Manufactured from just the subject lines of the junkmail I’ve received over the last few days. The only addition I made was punctuation…

 

in dessicate be herculean,

argue be eardrum not!

also strop in haven -

or philanthrope the deplete.

rote not smucker or persecute,

not combatant it crania

clara, see bookbind, enough!

 

I just found this extremely amusing.

Iron Nani

Figgured I’d better note this before I forgot.

Start with the 1970’s era Betty Crocker Cookbook recipe for Scalloped potatoes.

Chop up some ham, the stem of the artichoke getting cooked as a side dish, and the horking big leek in the bottom drawer of the fridge. Layer the ham & veggies in between the potato layers, adding a handful of cheese as well. Bake according to the recipe instructions.

The leeks & artichoke stems add a really nifty flavor – an almost sweet flavor – to the whole thing. I also used allspice & cayenne pepper instead of black pepper in the white sauce, which probably helped with that sweet flavor. In all, definitely a worthwhile experiment.

In the Beginning

In the beginning, there was coffee. It was dark, and that was good.

 

On the Second Day, Blueberry Syrup was added. And it was good.

 

On the Third Day, She said, Let there be Milk. There was Milk, and it was light, and it was Good.

 

On the Fourth Day, She said, Crap, for I have 20 min to get ready for work. Which was Not Good, but at least there was hot water left.

 

On the Fifth Day, She had time to finish off the bit in the bottom of the pot. It had more milk than the first cup, and was rather cooled off, but it was still Good.

 

On the Sixth Day, She had coffee because it was Good, but it was her day off so She went & watched Food TV.

 

On the Seventh Day, It was her weekend. She rested. And it was good.

Now that i've gotten that ranting out of the way....

So. Anyway. After that lovely surprise courtesy of the Nice People in the Washington State Department of Revenue…

 

Friday. Mariners. Talk about a logistically panicked moment. <a href=" http://www.livejournal.com/users/lady_absinthe/">lady_absinthe </a> didn’t get off until 6:15pm, the car was arriving at 6pm… so she got permission to bail slightly early, and we broke land speed records driving to my house from work.  Jumped in the car, which took less time than I’d anticipated – we were there just a few minutes after the first pitch.

 

My impressions:  I have a really minimal appreciation of the rules that go into baseball. Me watching a game involves a significant amount of time trying to remember/figure out what is happening, and why everyone is hissing & booing, or jumping up & down in their seats.  But watching the game was actually somewhat interesting, and there were even a few interesting moments that had me bouncing & gasping along with the more invested fans surrounding me.  Not something I ‘d want to pursue, but still not the absolute misery I was worried about.

 

The definition of “Good” tickets is an interesting one. We were right off the home plate, which I can see that being a really awesome spot to sit in………………… if it wasn’t for the rows & rows of people in front of us, who stood up whenever something worth jumping up about happened.  We ended up walking all around the stadium, foraging for food, and I decided that if I ever got to CHOOSE where I was sitting, I’d want to sit on the outfield side of things – it seemed like a less popular section, with fewer people, and as such you could actually SEE what was happening.  Of course, I’m not a big baseball fan or anything, so its unlikely to become anything more than amusing idle speculation.

 

The other fun thing that happened was when we were looking for souveniers – I wanted a shotglass with the mariners logo on one side & Safeco field’s info on the other, because we have a collection of shotglasses gathered from everywhere we go in our travels, and while we were standing in line staring at the stuff displayed in one of the kiche kiosks this guy comes up behind us asking if we’re waiting to buy a jersey. Telling us it would be much cheaper to buy a jersey anyplace but Safeco Field. Dude’s drunk, & <a href=" http://www.livejournal.com/users/lady_absinthe/">lady_absinthe </a> tells him she’s not getting a jersey, at which point he changes tack – asks if we’re mother-daughter. “Yeah, sure, “ we reply, snickering. Dude asks our names. Well, apparently I’m named Tony, which had us both laughing hysterically as he staggered drunkenly back to his equally smashed buddies, who had been heckling him from over there the entire time.  <u>THIS</u> was worth much laughter for quite awhile. 

 

After the game we walked south a bit to get clear of the traffic mess that is post-game Safeco Field so our limo driver could pick us up.  Which was very reminiscent of my time in the University District – it really made me want to grab the Freak & roam the alleys in the UD, looking for cool abandoned stuff & just generally roaming the night.  AAAH, nostalgia.

 

Saturday. Got up WAY TOO EARLY (9am) to head up & grab aimee, deliver chairs & go to this Solar Energy symposium thingie the P.U.D. was hosting in Everett.  It was really kinda neat – if you have a house, with space to set up an array of Solar Cells, you could conceivably set up a Solar electric system for around $3000. Maybe a little more, depending on labor & how many solar cells you get, but if you pay out over $100/month in electricity the system will pay for itself in just a few years.   Shocking.  The other neat thing about the P.U.D. specifically is they will pay you for electricity at a 1 to 1 ratio. If, with your spiffy solar generation system, you generate more than you consume and it feeds back into the system, the P.U.D. owes you for those kilowatt-hours.  If, say, in the winter, you get like no power due to the cloud cover & shorter days and end up pulling power from the grid, if the P.U.D. owes you for all that power you generated in the summer, you get those kilowatt-hours back. Like store credit or something. 

 

We then ran away to go thrift-store hopping, looking for things we need & want for really really cheap.  I found a partial roll of green marble contact paper, and an awesome red skirt & shirt set that is nice enough for wearing to semi-dressy occasions w/freak’s parents, in brand-new never worn type shape.  Also found grommets at the fabric store, and at the Lynnwood St. Vincent Du Paul, 3 patterns – one for a circle skirt, one for a drawstring blouse, and one for a bodice type thing.  I also found a great brown & cream plaid flannel fitted sheet – with NO stains in the middle – hopefully queen sized. I want to get to sleep on it. But if not, then hey, I’ve got myself material for that circle skirt pattern.  Also found a metal Pikachu piggybank type thing for freak’s achu collection.  Aimee found an awesome butterfly costume for her daughter, with only minor repairs needed (which I did as soon as we got back to my place), and a new butter crock.  We truly made out like bandits. It was awesome.

Why do they always send the poor?

Okay. Long weekend, but one of the things that really started it off wrong…

 

Freakachu smokes. Nasty habit, he’s managed to quit once now, but hit a really stressful bit & started smoking again. I, having done this before, went online & ordered cigarettes from this website – a “mail order” cigarette website out of one of the Indian reservations in New York State.  It was nice – it allowed me to get several cartons for around $12/carton including shipping & handling. Very sweet.

 

Here’s the thing. When you order smokes online, you don’t pay the usual state taxes & tariffs that are built into a cigarette purchase made at your local smoke shop. This is why they’re so cheap, and with a lot of the cigarette taxes that have been approved lately, there’s probably a significant number of people who have begun ordering their smokes from out of state to avoid these taxes. 

 

A letter arrived, detailing the fact that Washington State knows about the cigarettes we bought online, and itemizing the taxes they expect us to pay per carton.  Directly to Washington State.  Surprise!  The thing that I found particularly interesting was exactly HOW MUCH the Washington State Treasury is getting per carton. Taxes per carton: approx. $27.  Cost of the Tobacco, and the conversion of the agricultural product into a smokable status? I’ll figure a sparse 33% markup on the part of the New York Tribes, and put cost at $8. (probably cheaper production cost that that. This is a Vice commodity, after all.) So, cost: $8. Retail Markup: $4. Taxes: $27.

 

Keep in mind the demographic with the highest proportion of smokers is the poor, mentally unstable, uneducated & unskilled.  (yeah, mentally unstable is not a PC term, but I cant remember what we’re supposed to say now. Besides, I live with the Freak, and he’s a poster child for instability.)  So, this tax? Who’s paying it? The people who can’t afford it, who can’t afford the drugs or counseling to quit, who can’t afford the health issues resulting from a chemical addiction that puts you through really nasty withdrawals when you do try to quit. 

 

Am I justified in being pissed off by these numbers? Yeah, I probably voted for more than a couple of those tax increases myself. Yeah, I could tell freak I’m not paying for cigarettes anymore, and leave town for the 2 weeks it would take for his withdrawal period to finish, at which point I’d no longer be in danger of my life.  Yeah, it’s a dirty filthy habit and people who willingly poison themselves that way deserve to pay a huge tax, because suicide is a mortal sin & condemns your immortal soul to endless torment. Or something.  Still, regressive taxes always piss me off, whether I’m justified in being pissed or not.

 

Of course, it could simply be I’m peeved because I have to send an unexpected $70+ check to the Washington State Treasury because all alcohol & tobacco purchases made NATIONALLY now get reported to the Feds. Which is supposedly how Washington State found out about us ordering smokes online. Big Brother, anyone?